Meet Julianne. She is one of my five sisters. Pretty, huh!!!
Today, Chris and I received a gift from her. Chris was actually already in bed when we got it (brought back from my parents trip to see her and other sisters of mine), and I just didn't have the patience to wait until the morning to open it. So, I did, and now I can't sleep.
I have heard it said many times that one of the worst fears of a parent that looses their child is that their child will be forgotten. I would agree with that. Not that their child will be forgotten by them, but that their sweet and special little angel will be forgotten by all else because they are simply not on the minds of others like they are the parents. And rightly so.
But I know for myself, and I can safely say Chris too, our little Karleigh is never far from our thoughts. We see her in our other kids, in the things they do. In their smells. In their noises. Especially baby Dallin. Man, he reminds us of Karleigh more than I think Chloe or Parker ever did. Chris and I comment all the time to each other on the little things we thought of while watching him or listening to him. I am grateful for those sweet reminders and glimpses of the past that we can have with our other kids.
When I hear from others how Karleigh is still, to this day, in their thoughts and influencing their actions....man, that sure does make a mother proud. To know that my little 2 1/2 year old had such a strong impact on others means so much. To know that others feel her life was important - and still is important - means more to me than I can adequately express. So, I hope Julianne won't mind if I type out the card that came along with her gift. I want to remember her words that go along with such a special gift.
Dear Tracy and Chris,
Well, I was in a little shop downtown today looking for something totally different, for someone else entirely. My eyes fell on this little girl, however, and my breath seriously caught in my throat.
It was like the little girl was whispering to me..."Take me home and send me to my parents. Every time the wind blows, I'll play my sweet music for them." Honestly, I couldn't even help it...she jumped into my hands and made me cry right in the store. I've opened her up 3 more times before wrapping her just to look and listen. I think she is just so lovely, just like Karleigh Ann.
And so, I hope that this brings some pretty music to your yard or home and that you know - - I truly didn't feel I had a choice in sending her. It really was a bit of a spiritual moment in seeing and hearing this. I hope you enjoy her.
I love you...Karleigh has been in my thoughts a very lot in late weeks.
Love, Julianne
(please forgive my cruddy photos of her gift. They really don't do justice to how wonderful and beautiful it is. Sorry Jan.)
I don't think Julianne knows how much Chris and I adore wind chimes. The light, soft sounds that comes from them just exudes happiness. And this one fits SO perfectly! The sweet little angel girl and butterfly flying free reminds me of Karleigh - now out of her body that trapped her for 2 1/2 years. She is free to move and soar. And then the windchime itself - the music part. It really is a beautiful sound. It reminds me of so many things. It reminded me of how Karleigh LOVED music. She would often calm down when she heard soft pretty music. It reminded me of how her sweet little voice is music to my ears and how I wish so badly to hear it again. Hearing it reminded me of how I would sing her to sleep. Actually, most of the time I didn't sing. I would hum...in this order...
I am a Child of God.
I Love to See the Temple.
Teach Me to Walk in the Light.
I am not sure all my reasons for humming most of the time. But I do know one reason that I often thought of. I honestly felt like she already knew the words and was singing along with me in her head. She communicated so much through her eyes. The gazes she gave me and the way in which she would calm down and listen to those songs as I hummed them is something that I don't ever want to forget. Her sweet little spirit was singing along with me. That I know.
One other thing that this sweet gift reminds me of is Karleigh's love for being outside. She loved to feel the breeze on her face and the sunshine on her face. She loved to go for walks.
Thank you, Julianne, for this sweet gift. Tears came to my eyes as I looked closely at her (the wind chime). But most of all...thank you for remembering my Karleigh girl. Thank you for loving her. Thank you for loving me and supporting me. Thank you for acknowledging her. I love you so much.
And thank you to all the other family and friends that let us know of your love for our sweet daughter. It is nice to know that we are not alone in our missing.
I wish I could hum those songs to my girl tonight while I rock her into a peaceful slumber. How I miss those chubby cheeks and thighs, fingers and toes. How I miss her loud breathing and the way her body moved. How I miss caring for her and being next to her 24/7. How I miss her piercing eyes and her gurgly voice. And oh, how I miss her beautiful, priceless smiles.
Thank you, Julianne, for the wonderful tender memories of my girl. Thank you for the gift. Thank you for your love.
