Hmmm...

Well...let's be honest...today was one of those days where it is hard to feel grateful about a lot.  Not because I didn't have a good day or get the things accomplished that I set out to do.  No, I actually DID get Chloe's, Parker's AND my room cleaned today!  Doesn't sound like much?...well, you didn't see them when I started, did you!!?!??! 

Like I do most every Saturday, I call the kids up from their Saturday morning cartoons or movie and hand them their list of chores.  They know the drill.  Get it done - have a great rest of the day playing and doing whatever.  Whine and complain and be rude...earn extra jobs!  Well, let's just say that a certain child of mine wasn't too in the mood to do the work asked and decided that throwing fits and doing half-way jobs (my pet-peeve) ALL day would be a better decision.  Hmmm...I am not sure it was such a good decision on this childs part.  Extra jobs were handed out and extra whining, complaining and being rude followed.  Thus, my thoughts haven't quite been on the gratitude scale they should be today. 

But, I did have some time of peace and nice-ness from said child, so I did try to remind myself to think of something I was grateful for.  And here are my thoughts today....

Darling little Parker decided that 6:45 AM was wake-up time....on a Saturday!  BOO!  BUT...what I am grateful for is that my nice hubby got up with him (and the other two kids that soon were up) and took them downstairs for a bowl of cereal.  He then did the dishes (yes, yes...from last night...hey...it wasn't my dishnight!!  He was quite exhausted last night from a horrible day at work.), and kept the kids down there with him.  An hour later he returns with Parker-pants so he could go get started out in the garage like we had planned he would.  An hour?  Did I really get to doze back off to sleep for a whole hour!?!?!  Oh yes, I was grateful!  This bladder of mine seems to not want to work at night and I am up quite a lot these days!  So thanks Chris for the extra sleep!

Chris also did something else for me today.  I am not quite sure WHAT it was that he did, I just know he did something.  Something with the breaks on my van.  You see, quite some time ago, Chris changed my breaks on the van and ever since, when I back down our driveway, they squeak and squeal. Yes, annoying and embarrasing, but sometimes if I did it just right, it wouldn't squeak.  So last week, he finally got around to getting them fixed (it may or may not have been because I threatened to take it to the shop), and walla! No more squeaking!!!....just a scratching noise when I stopped.  He said the rotors just needed to be turned.  Well, tonight when I drove the van...there was nothing.  NO sounds!!  I don't know what he did to fix it...but it was a lovely thing to not hear anything!  So, I am super grateful for that!  I guess Chris won a bunch of bonus points today, eh?

The last thing I am thankful for today is the fact that even though my little 1 1/2 year old decided that nap-time was "jump-in-my-bed-as-high-as-I-can" time today all while saying "Mommy, come here!" over and over - he still managed to be a super darling, happy little huggable kid all day long!  I have drilled into him the following statement, to which he promptly and happily replies....

Me: "Parker, guess what?!?"
Parker: "Huh?"
Me: "Mommy loves...."
Parker: "Parker!"
Me: "Parker loves...."
Parker: "Mommy!"

(Photo taken January 2010 - he's a lot bigger now!!)

Sometimes he will want to tease me and fill in the blanks with different names.  Most always, that is how we say it and then he usually will give me a "squeezee hug" and kiss!  I love my baby! (who's not really a baby anymore!)  I am all geared up to potty train soon...!  Yikes!  But he is totally ready, it is just me that is not quite sure I am.  He loves to sit on the big toilet and go both, so, hopefully soon, we will get started with that.  Wish us (I mean me!) luck!!

Music

Last night I accompanied on the piano two woman singing at our Relief Society meeting.  Our ward does their Thanksgiving/Christmas dinner early so that more people can come.  The woman sang beautiful and it was fun to play for someone again.  I sat down and my thoughts drifted from the next speaker to how grateful I am for musical talent.  It really has blessed my life immensly. 

Which then made me think of my wonderful parents and all the sacrifices they made to pay for and take me to lessons.  All the hours my mom spent driving me to and from, along with my sisters, adds up to LOTS of time!  And let's not forget when I was younger and first starting lessons that my mom was my teacher!  So, lots of time and energy spent sitting next to me teaching me the notes and helping me understand what I was doing. 

And now in hindsight, I am thankful for all the drama my mom had to go through to get me to even sit and practice.  Now, I don't nessecarily think I am overly grateful to my mom to humming the correct note to me EVERY time I messed up!  Right, MOM!!  Urrgghh, that bugged!  But, I guess it in a way has helped me to be able to pick out notes better while sightreading music while singing. =)

My mom was the driving factor behind us kids learning to sing and play and instrument.  My dad loved us doing it and was glad to pay for it, but it was my mom who had to do all the shuttling around and reminders to practice.  I am thankful for my mom and for the influence her musical abilities has been on my life. 

I am grateful for all the piano teachers I have had, yes, even my mom.  My favorite piano teacher would definetely be Sandy Beck, my wonderful friend, Heidi's mom.  She is such a sweet and caring lady and I loved taking lessons from her.  My sisters and I took lessons from Sandy, and her kids took from my mom. Which worked out perfect because while the other siblings were doing their lessons, we would get to go play up in Heidi's room!  Barbies, Barbies, Barbies!!  Heidi had ALL the Barbie stuff, or so it seemed!  The Barbie house, the Barbie car, tons of clothes, Ken dolls!  All the stuff we dreamed of having!  We wouldn't want to go down for lessons because we were having too much fun!  Thanks for sharing all your Barbies and toys, Heidi!! 

Lastly, I am grateful that one of my callings at church is the ward organist.  That was a scary proposition when they asked me since I had never touched the thing before!  I think it is a lot different than the piano.  I still don't know how to do the foot pedals, and maybe someday I will figure that out.  I was pretty nervous to play at first and believe me, there were many songs that sounded pretty strange for those singing!  Let's just say, you have to make sure you are playing in the right key signature...not the key signature of the last song you just played!  =)  But I KNEW that Heavenly Father would help me learn to play the organ because He wasn't going to want me to totally bomb it every week and totally drive the Spirit from the meeting.  He has helped me learn the organ and has never let me bomb it so bad that I wanted to run out of the chapel in tears...almost a couple times....but it ended up being ok. 

So, I am thankful for being able to play the piano and also carry a tune vocally.  While I am far from anything awesome in either, it is nice to pull out of my back pocket when needed.  I am grateful for it!

Needing more gratitude

It is almost 1:30 in the morning.  Tonight, I actually went to bed early - as in I was in my bed laying down a couple minutes before 9!  That rarely happens!  But...I was tired...or so I thought.  I had the bed to myself the last few nights as Chris was out of town.  Well, except for the night the wind and rain howled so loudly and scared Chloe and she ended up crawling in bed with me for most of the night.  But...2 out of the 3 nights, I had it to myself.  I don't like it when Chris is gone, but after our time living in Indiana where he traveled Monday - Friday almost weekly for 3 years...it is not such a shock anymore.  Thankfully, he got home safely tonight (after driving all afternoon and being exhausted, he then had to go to the store and buy me a new battery for my car and install it as my car decided to competely die after a certain little boy left the light on for a day! It's ok though...it needed to be replaced.  I just feel bad he had to do it tonight.)  Tonight though...I kept waking up - over and over.  Yeah, part of it probably was due to the fact that a certain person kept snoring...but, it was also just me.  I couldn't sleep.  SO...here I am blogging and trying to figure out how to finally make a book from my blog posts!  

I have had this lingering thought lately that I have not been very grateful for all of the things I have.  I am grateful for the obvious things, but often overlook the small things - things I take for granted.  I have been in a slump for the last couple months.  Why?  Well, probably because I haven't felt very good...ya know, morning sickness can do that to you!  Yep, that's right!  Stimpson baby #5 will be making his/her arrival next May!  We are excited!  It was a bit of a surprise, but a fabulous surprise nonetheless. I am almost 13 weeks, so hopefully will be done with the sickies soon!  

8 week ultrasound - Yes, there are multiple sacs, if your wondering. No, there are not multiple babies growing. Only one baby actually developed. I'm bummed, Chris is relieved!

So when you feel pukey for 2 months and other stressors going on (yes, I know I sound like a wanny-pants because there are many people that have it way worse!), I have kind of gotten into this blah slump and haven't been very observant of all that I DO have.  I have much to be thankful for and I need to remind myself more of that. 

President Monson's talk in the October conference just reaffirmed that need.  He said,

"My brothers and sisters, do we remember to give thanks for the blessings we receive? Sincerely giving thanks not only helps us recognize our blessings, but it also unlocks the doors of heaven and helps us feel God’s love.

A grateful heart...comes through expressing gratitude to our Heavenly Father for His blessings and to those around us for all that they bring into our lives. This requires conscious effort—at least until we have truly learned and cultivated an attitude of gratitude. Often we feel grateful and intend to express our thanks but forget to do so or just don’t get around to it. Someone has said that “feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”


When we encounter challenges and problems in our lives, it is often difficult for us to focus on our blessings. However, if we reach deep enough and look hard enough, we will be able to feel and recognize just how much we have been given."
 
So that is my goal for the next long while.  I want to cultivate an attitude of gratitude, because as President Monson also says, "Sincerely giving thanks not only helps us recognize our blessings, but it also unlocks the doors of heaven and helps us feel God’s love."  I need to feel more of that love from above.  I need to be more worthy of that love and recognize it.  
 
Most days, I am going to try to post something I am grateful for.  I know...kind of doesn't seem possible given my blogging record.  But, I will try.  Hopefully, I will be able to be more grateful and recognize all that I have.  I don't really think many people even read this blog much anymore, but if you do...here is what I am thankful for in the middle of the night tonight...
 
A tiny little baby growing inside my belly.  It truly is a miraculous thing if you think about it!  I am grateful for this opportunity to help grow our family and count my blessings that I am able to.  The whole process of having a baby has never come easy to Chris and I (with this baby being the exception).  It usually took a while and then being pregnant is not a fun thing for me.  Delivery has not always gone as smoothly as I would have liked, but I am here and that is all that matters.  I am thankful for the opportunity to once again participate in another little miracle and pray that I will be able to remember that despite the pain and discomfort of pregnancy.

Guests and tulips

October was kind of a crazy up and down month and flew by very fast.  In a lot of ways, that is a good thing.  I sometimes think that things happen all at once for reasons unknown at the time.  It was busy with Brittany (Chris's youngest sister) and her family in town, and then my sister, Mindi and her family in town.  I never thought that when we moved clear out here to Maine at the end of the world it seemed like, that we would have visitors!!  We are missing Brittany and her family since they just moved away.  It was fun to have them living so close by in Boston!  We loved having Mindi's family here!  Those little people of hers are just darling and I miss their cuteness around my house.  We really do enjoy visitors...so if anyone wants to travel to New England for the winter...(haha...I know...ya right!) 

Little Miss Abby, Brittany and John's little girl and Parker's buddy!!  I got to do her hair and she actually kept it in all day!!  She is a dolly face!

Mindi, Ryan, Kamryn and Carson (twins!) and baby Weston.  Chloe was in heaven with two little people her age to play with all week!  I wish they could be together more often and I wish I could squish that hefty Weston some more!  They are such good kids and I miss them lots!  It was fun to see Mindi and Ryan too and have late night chats with them!

Karleigh's birthday this year was different.  Not because we thought of her any less, but because of the circumstances.  I had been having some testing done late into the night the night before Karleigh's birthday (don't worry, I'm fine) and upon leaving, I got a text from my dear friend, TJ telling me they were headed out to CA to be by her brother's side as he was passing away from his battle with Leukemia and a bone marrow transplant.  I immediately called her as soon as I got to my car to head home and we cried together.  I wanted to tell her it would be ok and that he would make it.  But I remembered someone telling me that as I drove to the hospital to see my dying child and hating those words afterwards.  I am sure what I said was probably of little comfort and didn't ease her pain.  I wish I had just the right words to say in hard times, but I often stumble and mess up.  I only hope I didn't make it worse.

Through the night, we sent brief messages and I just had such a hard time sleeping as I felt so horrible for TJ, Tiffany, her parents, her family and Todd's wife and son.  I lay their envisioning what they were going through, knowing I really only have a small clue.  So, so sad - beyond sad.  That morning, on Karleigh's birthday, I recieved TJ's message telling me he had passed.  I rolled over and showed Chris the message and cried.  Cried for my friends.  Cried at the loss of a good man, who had so much going for him and his family.  Cried for the pain that they feel and cried for the pain that I felt as my dear friends ached and longed for their wonderful brother and son.  Tears still come freely as I think of what a great loss this is for their family.  I wished so bad that I could fly out there and hug my friends as they grieved...as if that would make it all better.  I knew it wouldn't...but I just wanted to be there for support.

The day started out rather slowly as Chris and I felt such pain for them, probably made even more tender by our own personal circumstances.  We decided that although we felt such sorrow for TJ and her family, we still needed to remember our daughter's special day.  Chef Zach made the cupcakes all by himself and Chloe helped me decorate them.  The kids helped package the tulips and get everything ready to take to a few friends.  Chris talked me into taking a brief nap so that I could enjoy the rest of the day, since the few days before were so exhausting.  After I woke up, we all went outside (including my niece Abby who we were tending for the weekend) and planted Karleigh's tulips.  I love that we can plant bulbs on her birthday and they come up in the spring around the time she passed away.  Such a wonderful way to remember her and I am thankful that we started that tradition on Karleigh's 3rd birthday, the first on after she passed.  Although, I am assuming up here in cold, cold Maine, they probably won't bloom until after her April date...but that's ok.  Maybe they will be peeking out of the ground by then. 

Happy 8th Birthday, sweet Karleigh girl.  We love you and miss your smiling face.