US

(Fall 2010 - Taken with our own handy-dandy camera.

Thanks to Chris for running back and forth to set the timer!)

The White Dress

Karleigh's eighth birthday is fast approaching. Saturday, October 16th, 2010 is the day. This is a special birthday for most children with families in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It is the year that they can choose to be baptized. They are able to make that important decision with God to take the name of Christ upon them and also be able to be blessed to receive the Holy Ghost, the Comfortor.

(Picture illustrating the three white dresses worn throughout a girl's life.

Baby blessing dress, Baptism dress and Wedding dress)

There is kind of an unspoken tradition in the Mormon culture for the little girls to get a new beautiful white dress to wear on their baptism day. This little white dress, for some reason, has really weighed on my mind the last month or so. I miss my little girl so much and want so badly to see her in her beautiful white dress on her baptism day.

But the thing is, I have already dressed her and seen her in a beautiful white dress. Yes, it was beautiful, just like her, but it was put on her at a much earlier age than I would have envisioned. It is hard for me on this upcoming 8th birthday to know that I have already dressed my sweet girl in her white dress and she is not here to wear her baptism white dress. That is the selfish side of my thinking.

Karleigh's Beautiful White dress with butterflies

The silver lining to this 8 year old white dress, is that I envision her now with her white dress on as she goes about the Father's kingdom in Heaven doing good and helping others. How indescribable and beautiful that white dress must be! And quite frankly, tha tis the white dress that really matters in the end. She has made it! My sweet Karleigh has made it back to live with our Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Chris. That is what I hope and pray for all of my children, as well as my husband and myself. That is what I hope and pray for everyone - not just my family.

I have had many hard moments of struggling with the thought of not getting to see my beautiful daughter as an 8 year old in her beautiful white dress. Sometimes, I feel cheated. Sometimes, I don't. Sometimes, I feel angry. Most times, I feel grateful and blessed. Sometimes, I feel strong. Other times, I don't. But the thing that has been shown me over and over is that there is a plan. A plan for each of us. A plan for our life and purpose to our life. My sweet Karleigh fulfilled her purpose. She had a mission to accomplish on this earth, and she did it. When it was done, God called her home. She had a very hard life, but a very full life. She had a life filled with physical challenges, but a life filled with happiness and love.

For this reason, I have decided on an 8th birthday gift for my sweet girl. I can't dress her in a beautiful white dress and hug her with all the pride that a mother can muster. But I can do all I can to make sure that her life is remembered. That the things that she went through are not in vain. I can do my part to help her brothers and sisters know as much as they can about their darling sister and hopefully, they will never ever take for granted all that they have. I can help my children know how much love their sister had for them, even if some of them weren't even born yet. How do I know? Because she loved her brother, Zach more than anything! I know it would have been carried through to any other silblings she would have had while sh was here.

I have prayed for guidance in what to write. I have prayed that I will be able to write it, even when it gets difficult. I have prayed that the memories of all the little things will become fresh in my mind again. I want to record the life of my sweet girl. Why? Because I LOVE HER! Because she matters! She matters to me and the rest of this family and most importantly, she matters to our Heavenly Father. Her life meant something. The struggles she went through, meant something. I was with her day and night for almost all of her entire life. I am the one that knew her best. I have the obligation to make sure her life is not forgotten. She deserves it. Up unil now, it has been to painful to go through all the details and record them. But, I know that if I put my faith in my Heavenly Father, He will provide the way for me to do this. I look forward to the time I will spend recording memories and feelings.

I haven't decided if I will post them on the blog or not. I might. Those of you interested, please let me know. There will be a lot of little details that may or may not be of interest to others except for maybe Chris and I. But really, this blog is more for my own family's sake than for everyone elses, so I may just post it simply for that. I will decide soon. I have started it, but it will be a work in progress that will take a while.

But know that I am fine. I feel at peace right now. It is the same peace I have felt with many other of her anniversaries. I miss her. That will never end. The sad feelings about missing out on the white dress have subsided (thanks to many wonderful talks at General Conference) and I am busy working on Karleigh's birthday celebration traditions for our family. The kids are excited to have cake for her, although, Chloe was a bit sad that Karleigh couldn't eat it with us. I have tulips all ready to plant and am working on a couple other things. Hopefully the forcasted rain with stay away for a while on that day!

New England Fall

It's autumn time, it's autumn time, the leaves are falling down....

(song from the Primary songbook)

So, if you remember back in July, I posted a picture of the beautiful scenery from my back porch. Remember it looked like this...

Well, we are full-blown in the midst of a New England fall now and it is just beautiful outside!! I have heard many, many people talk about the vibrant colors in New England, and am excited to be seeing it with my very own eyes! It truly is breath-taking and these pictures do not do it justice! But hey, I tried. The colors really are more vibrant than these pictures show, especially when the sunlight hits them just right!

Out in front of my house...