"Just Let Me Cry"

So, I occasionaly check Hilary Weeks blog on her website. (http://www.hilaryweeks.com/) (can anyone tell me how to do the hyperlink thing - I think that is what it is called - where you can't see the link just the name) She usually has something uplifting to say on there. I absolutely love her music and listen to it quite often. She has been working on a new album and is in the process of recording it right now. I just thought I would post what she wrote the other day because it struck a cord with me. Sometimes, but not always - this poem is exactly the way I feel. The poem below just says it all! Hopefully she doesn't mind me posting her post on here.

Day 2 of Recording July 15th, 2008

Today we recorded “Just Let Me Cry.” This song was inspired by a poem I received from a family who lost their 8 year-old daughter to cancer. This is the poem:

Please, don’t ask us if we’re over “it” yet.

We’ll never be over it.

Please, don’t tell us they’re in a better place.

They aren’t with us.

Please don’t say, “At least they aren’t suffering.”

We haven’t come to terms with why they had to suffer at all.

Please, don’t tell us you know how we feel unless you have lost a child.

Please, don’t ask us if we feel better.

Bereavement isn’t a condition that clears up.

Please don’t tell us, “At least you had them for a time.”

What year would you choose for you child to die?

Please, don’t tell us, “God never gives you more than you can bear.”

Please, just tell us you are sorry.

Please, just say you remember our children, if you do.

Please, just let us talk about our children.

Please, mention our children’s names.

Please just let us cry.

When I read the last line of that poem, I knew a song had to be written. Sometimes when we are going through something difficult, something heart-breaking, nothing anyone says or does is going to make it better. We simply need to mourn. We just need to cry. It doesn’t mean we don’t have faith. It doesn’t mean we don’t believe in the Atonement or Christ’s ability to heal our hearts. It is just part of the healing process. And it has to happen. We have to let ourselves cry sometimes.

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So - if you are one of the lucky ones that gets to see and hear me cry sometimes - please just know that it is just something that I have learned that I will probably do for the rest of my life. I miss my sweet Karleigh. Sometimes the pain can be extreme and overwhelming, but sometimes the comfort that comes is more than I will ever be able to describe. Many times I cry in private and no one ever knows. For me, these are the times I have felt the hand of God the most as He has held me up and gotten me through my sorrow. Now that there has been some time since Karleigh's passing, I look back and see countless ways that I was carried through difficult times. There would have been no way I could have done it alone. He carried so many of my burdens during that time and still does. My burdens were also made light by many caring and loving family and friends. I will be forever grateful to my Savior and to all of you who make my burdens light.

Surviving Girls Camp!

Things have been quite busy all month! On July 1st, my wonderful Mom and little sister, Joy flew out to stay for a couple of weeks. They came out to take care of my kids because Chris also had to be gone at Scout Camp that week. July 8-12th was Girls Camp for our stake. I went up with 14 girls from my ward, and unfortunately, forgot to take pictures most of the time! Anyone reading this that has some....send them my way, please!

Camp was a lot of fun. I got to know the girls much better and whether they liked it or not, they got to know me better! We stayed in these huge bunker type cabins, so we separated each wards area with a big curtain divider. It worked out pretty well. The bathrooms weren't absolutely horrible, but sure weren't anything to rave about. Luckily, a few other leaders (Thanks for driving TJ!) and I were able to drive up the road to some nicer bathrooms to shower. I think the girls will always remember me as the leader that made them shower and brush their teeth! To me, common sense. But to some - they really didn't feel the need! I am sorry but I have a sensitive nose and don't like to smell people's pits and see fuzzy teeth!!! Mean leader - I know!

This was the first time I have been away from my kids for more than one night. It was not the easiest thing to do, but I think it was a lot easier knowing that they were in good hands. Chris ended up being here part of the time too. But I am so thankful to my fabulous mom for taking such good care of my little family while I was away....and while I was home! She went home on Tuesday morning, and I already miss her a lot! It was so wonderful to come home and have Chloe and Zach run to the front door to see me! Chloe looked so huge and grown up - only after a week. She has been pretty attached to me since getting home. Zach gave me a big hug, showed me the Welcome Home sign he made and then headed out to play! Punk boy! I was ready to kiss his face off and he took off outside - probably because he knew I would! Chris was also home to give me a big hug and kiss! Luckily he hasn't had to travel much at all this month, so he has been here! yeah! That will all change very soon, I'm sure!

I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying their summer! We will be heading out for a short trip out west next weekend for a family reunion. It will be quite the drive, but hopefully we will have a great time! School starts for Zach about a week after we get home (Aug. 13th), so we are already doing some school shopping! I can't believe summer is almost over! I have enjoyed the time with my kids this summer. We have gone on many bike rides and little outings. I sure have fun kids! When school starts, I have told myself that is when I have to start potty training Chloe. Auugghh - the messes! I certainly don't like this phase of life! But hopefully she will do well. She is already showing a lot of interest in it, but I don't want to start before our trip. That would not be fun for anyone! Now if I can just remember how to do this! I haven't done it for over 5 years!

Have a fabulous week!!