Were they really here?.....

It came and went SO quick! We anticipated this reunion for over 5 months, and it was over in a blink of an eye! I have been meaning to get this posted, but have been holding off because the it makes the missing come back in full force. But.....I am SO grateful we had the time together that we did, so I want to make sure to record it down.

Back in this post, I mentioned 2 wonderful and fabulous friends that I was so sad to move away from. I miss both of these dear friends terribly. TJ is from this area where we are living, so we knew that we would be able to see each other every so often when she came back to visit her family. That day finally came! Last week, we were privileged to have the Pini family grace our presence for a few hours!! Oh, the anticipation!!! Oh, the excitement!!!!! Oh, the shock !!!!!

Old friends reunited again!! (sorry Ryan....had to put this one in here!! love it!)

Adorable Evan....Chloe's future hubby!!
We had so much fun being together again and basking in their beauty! These guys mean so much to us! They are fabulous! While the kids played toys and outside on the swingset (look at Chloe go!), we adults chit-chatted like old times as we put together food for our bbq reuniting celebration (is there really such a thing?).

Up the street from our house is a little mini petting zoo. We decided to take a quick trip up there to let the kids feed the animals, even though it was a hot and sweaty day. (we are learning quick that most days here in AZ are hot and sweaty days!) I decided it was much better to be the photographer and Parker's buddy than to possibly get nasty, slimy animal spit all over my hands! Luckily they had little shovels for the animals to get their food from.

After we were done at the zoo, we came back home to get ready to say goodbye. Even though I protested and cried, they still had the nerve to drive away!!!

We love you, Pini family and can't wait to see you again!!! Thank you for coming to see us!! It was so much fun!

Good Morning....

Good morning to my 3 darlings!

Phone Ears

Chloe excitedly told me today....

"Hey Mom,

I have to wear my phone ears when Dad does the mow lawner and the weed blacker so that they don't hurt my ears!!"

Congrats Little Bro!!

Elder Clay - Called to serve in the Omaha, Nebraska Mission. Reporting to the Missionary Training Center on August 12th! Congrats B-dog!! You are going to make a fabulous missionary! Many lives will be blessed by your service! Love you!

Memorial Day fun....

The kids and I had our own fun Memorial day celebration. Chris is in Canada on buisness this week and couldn't be here. We missed him a lot, but decided to have our own little party. We headed to the store to get a little pool and a slip-n-slide for the kids! They had a blast in the backyard. (It is amazing to me how much fun a dinky little pool can be for kids! I used to always love them when I was a kid too! The water always got so full of grass clippings!) Afterwards, we made some yummy watermelon snowcones for a treat! It was a good day - beautiful and sunny and fun just hanging out with my kids!

Amazing little girl....

I often will read on Hilary Weeks blog. I love her music and love the uplifting things she has to say. She recently posted about a little girl that is struggling with a brain stem tumor. I clicked on her blog and started reading. Oh, such a sweet little girl and such a wonderful family! When you have time, I encourage you to check out their blog. This little girl is beautiful.

"Hope Ya Know, We Had a Hard Time"

This video is very wonderful and is only a few minutes long. Enjoy.

"I didn't know it sounded like that!"

Have you ever really stopped and given thought to what your life would be like if you didn't have one of your senses? Have you ever really, really contimplated how things would be different? Have you ever really thought about how many different things you take for granted on a daily basis?

These questions have gone through my head many, many times as I have watched my husband struggle in different situations, as well as watching Karleigh go through difficulties. I have often thought about whether or not I would be as accepting and driven as they have been through their circumstances. I am not quite sure I would be.

Chris's hearing loss has been since birth. Being a mother of a child with disabilities, I can somewhat understand what his parents felt as they learned that their first son would never hear normal. Their next son would also suffer a hearing loss. I know what a challenge it is to accept the disability and then move on and do everything in your power to try to make your child succeed in everything they can. Chris's parents amaze me with the support they gave their boys in learning to live with a hearing loss. They got hearing aids for them early on in their life, drove the long distance from the family farm in Idaho to let them attend a school for the deaf, found Chris's hearing aids many times out in the farm fields, learned sign language to help communicate easier,....the list could go on and on. I am grateful to Chris's parents that they instilled a desire to learn and grow and be happy despite his circumstances. Chris is a VERY driven individual and has never let his hearing stop him from achieving what he wants in life. I have often told him that I think it is more a blessing to him than a hinderance. That is not true with everything, since I know he would love to hear a bird sing or hear his children better. But it has served him very well when there is a lot of commotion around and he just wants to go to sleep. He simply turns off his "ears" (that's what I call it =) and then he is fast asleep! He goes to sleep faster than anyone I know!

The time has come that Chris was able to get a Cochlear Implant put in on his left ear. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmNpP2fr57A His hearing has gone down and down over the years and his left ear is the worst off, so they decided to do it on that ear first. He went through many tests and scans to make sure he was a good match for the implant. On April 28th, he went in for surgery. That was quite a long day, but a day that we are hopeful will be the start of something great!!!

A cochlear implant (CI) is a surgically implanted electronic device that provides a sense of sound to a person who is profoundly deaf or severely hard of hearing. The cochlear implant is often referred to as a bionic ear. Unlike hearing aids, the cochlear implant does not amplify sound, but works by directly stimulating any functioning auditory nerves inside the cochlea with an electric field. External components of the cochlear implant include a microphone, speech processor and an RF transducer or primary headpiece coil. A secondary coil is implanted beneath the skull's skin and inductively coupled to the primary headpiece coil. The headpiece coil has a magnet by which it attaches to another magnet placed on the secondary coil often beside the cochlear implant. The implant relays the incoming signal to the implanted electrodes in the cochlea. The speech processor allows an individual to adjust the sensitivity of the device. The implant gives recipients additional auditory information, which may include sound discrimination fine enough to understand speech in quiet environments. Post-implantation rehabilitative therapy is often critical to ensuring successful outcomes.
Approximately 150,000 people worldwide have received cochlear implants, with recipients split almost evenly between children and adults.[1] The vast majority are in developed countries due to the high cost of the device, surgery and post-implantation therapy. A small but growing segment of recipients have bilateral implants (one implant in each cochlea).[2]

Almost ready to go back for surgery

This is what it looked like right after surgery. He only had to wear this cup thing for a day.

This is what it looked like all stapled up. They buzzed his hair all around his ear, so I finished it off and gave him a pretty short haircut so he wouldn't look so strange. (also so he wouldn't go with his bright idea to shave his head or go with a mohawk!!)

In just a couple weeks, the incision is looking so much better and the swelling has gone down!

Monday, May 18th 2009

Activation day!!! After a few weeks of healing, the time has come to turn the implant on and put on the external device. Dr. Oakley is testing the device to make sure everything is working. Then she will go through each electrode to see what sound level Chris can tolerate. It will take a few different appointments and a couple weeks to get it adjusted. The first day was pretty difficult because his brain was just going nuts trying to figure out what everything was. The next day he went back in to have the sound levels readjusted and he was already tolerating it better. It is not the most attractive thing, but if it helps Chris hear better....who really cares! The staring eyes have already started. It is something most people have probably never even seen. Stares just go with the territory. Hopefully people will be understanding and not rude.

The first night after getting it turned on was pretty rough. Chris wasn't used to all the noise, his brain wasn't processing it all into sounds (just jumbled noises) and it made Chris very irritable. (this is all totally normal) He said that as he shuffled through papers on his desk, the sound just drove him nuts. He didn't know shuffling papers had a sound! We played legos with the kids for our Family Night activity on Monday and the clinking of the legos drove him nuts. On Tuesday, Dr. Oakley took out a plastic bag and started crinkling it. That was funny to watch his expression as he has never really heard that sound before either (or at least not since he was little, I am not sure which). He now understands why it drives me nuts when we are on a long road trip, Chris is driving and everyone is asleep and he decides he is hungry. He starts getting into a bag of food and crinkles the bag SO loudly that it wakes people (mainly me) up over and over! He never knew that it was so loud and annoying!! Funny !!(unless your the one trying to sleep! =) =)

We are excited and hopeful that this new implant is going to improve Chris's life tremendously and give him even more wonderful experiences, and in turn bless our family. We just need to remember that it will take a while to retrain the brain to accept the new stimuli and process it the way it needs to be.

I am proud of my wonderful husband for all he has accomplished despite the lot in life he has been handed. He is an inspiration to me and so many others. I am grateful that he has the courage to perservere and get through the challenges he has because of his hearing loss. I hope that I will remember to not take my hearing for granted. Birds chirping and children's voices are beautiful things....even crinkling plastic bags!!!

These video clips are from the first day of activation. He did really good for the first day. I tried to get more videos to upload, but they wouldn't. So...I will have to try again on a different post!

Show me some squish!!

I keep getting requests for updated pictures of Parker, so I am finally getting around to posting some! I thought I would share some of his squish with you! I love it!!!! He is such a darling little guy! I will see if I can get a video to upload too! These were all taken today - so they are up to date with his actual size and cuteness!

Sorry this video is sideways. I held the camera wrong while videoing and don't know how to fix it.

My little people...

These little people make me so happy! I am so grateful to be their mother! Each one of them teaches me something new and helps me grow. I truly have the best job in the world. Hard - yes! Worth it - YES!! Thanks for a great Mother's day! I love you!

Sisters...

I was hunting through some old pictures on my computer and ran across this picture. These are my fabulous sisters!! Yes - I have 5 sisters and 3 brothers! I decided I wanted to post this picture so I could show what beautiful sisters I have! This picture was taken back in 2005.(From left to right) Amy, Marci, Julianne, Joy, Mindi and me

It has been a huge blessing in my life to come from a large family. I am grateful to my parents for giving me that opportunity. We have had our issues over the years, but my sisters are some of my very closest friends. (Yes, I love my brothers too - maybe I will blog about them sometime in the future) I know that if I ever needed anything, they would be there right by my side. In fact - they have been there right by my side many times I have been in need. They are there to laugh with, cry with, be dumb with, and the list goes on. They love my kids and talk to them on the phone all the time. They share in the joy when my kids achieve milestones. They cheer them on and encourage them. I am grateful for that. We all want to be the favorite aunt, but pretty much know that Joy will always win out! She is the "coolest" of all of us! (ps Joy - remember to get your blog up and going ASAP!!) Zach tells me that my sisters and I are all pretty crazy - especially when we are all together. Lucky boy will get extra kisses the rest of his life!

I love you, my beautiful sisters!! Thank you for everything you do for me!! I miss you all!!!

Getting bigger....

Wow - 2 posts in one week! Amazing! I thought I would post a few pictures of Parker so you can see how big he is getting - and so I can appease my sisters. I don't know why I always happen to take pictures of him in his car seat - but I seem to take a lot when he is in there. Oh well. Enjoy!

Look at these beautiful dark blue eyes Parker has! Love them!!

Smiling for Grandma Stimpson. Parker has lots of different smiles. They are all adorable....mainly because he is adorable! I just want to kiss his cheeks all day long!

He is now 8 weeks old!! Where has the time gone?!

Our "Karleigh Day"

Can I first start this post by expressing how grateful I am that we have a loving Father in Heaven that really does hear our prayers and really does answer them?! Every day I see evidence of it, but especially today. Today marks 4 years since this sweet, precious angel went back home. A home where many loved ones anxiously awaited her return. How grateful I am for them welcoming her home. I am sure it was an amazing and joyous reunion. I dream of that day when I too will be reunited with my sweet Karleigh again. I know it will happen. I know I will see her again. I know that she will be whole and free from pain. I know that, because I know with every fiber of my being that our Savior made it possible. He took upon himself every pain and heartache, sin and wrongdoing that each of us has. Today I am extra grateful to Him for the amazing sacrifice that He bore for me, but most importantly, for my daughter. My daughter will have a perfect body someday! Do you know how amazing that is to me?!!!?

I have been thinking about this day coming for a while now. It has always been SO hard in the past! It has been excruciatingly hard. The awful events of this day would replay over and over in my mind. I would see the suffering on her face. I would see me holding her alive for the last time. I would see the ambulance. I would see the parametics. I would see the needles and medicine. I would see the life-flight. I would see the ER scene over.and.over.and.over!!! I would see Chris and I sobbing as we held her when it was all over. On and on and on....Horrible memories!!

I didn't want to do that this year. I didn't want to be a complete mess. I didn't want to relive the worst day of my life! I wanted my children to remember her life, not her death. I wanted to remember her life, not her death. So what other thing could I do, but pray. Pray for peace. Pray for the help to get through it. Pray for those awful memories that have plagued the previous years to stay at bay and to just let me have peace. Pray to feel Karleigh near.

My prayers were answered. Usually the entire week before the "date" I am a mess. I know what is coming and I don't like it. This year I was blessed with extra busyness! So grateful for that! We had Chris's parents come into town for Parker's baby blessing (of which I will blog about that and Easter later). I had not successfully been able to fully feel like my house was clean since we moved in. Clean the way I like it. I have to admit, I have become pretty picky about my house and the way it is cleaned. Does that mean it is always clean, certainly not. But when I get on a cleaning fix, that is all I can do! I just have to get it done - the way I want it done!! Anyway, off my little cleaning tangent.... So this week and weekend have been very busy with cleaning, company - all up until last night.

As I said my prayers last night, I prayed that I would be comforted today. I asked that I would feel Karleigh near. I prayed that I would not have to relive the bad memories. As soon as my head hit my pillow, though, the tears started to flow. My wonderful husband held me as I cried for my baby. I miss her. I miss her a lot! Few words (or signed words) were said, but Chris just held me until I was done and able to roll over to sleep. I love this man! My comfort last night came in the form of physical touch from my husband. Thank you, Chris. I love you.

As I laid there crying, all the sudden I had flashbacks of different times when Karleigh was at the hospital - after surgeries, during numerous dr. appts, during blood draws, during horrible x-ray scans where she was trapped in big machinery and choking and I couldn't get her out!, during times of pain and discomfort. At first I was pretty bothered thinking that this was NOT what I prayed for. But answers to prayers come in unexpected ways. Through these brief flashbacks, I was able to remember all of the awful things my sweet little girl had to endure on a daily basis. I was able to remember the pain she had almost every single day and night of her time on this earth. I was able to remember the tears in her eyes, the look on her face as they stuck her with yet another needle. I was able to remember vividly the prayer I said as I rocked her to sleep the night before she passed.

And even though the pain and longing will never EVER go away, today it has been lessened. I know this is an answer to my prayers. I miss her so much. Chris misses her so much. Zach misses her so much. Many family and friends miss her so much. But she is not in pain right now. She is not going through dr. appt after dr. appt. She is not going through more surgeries. She is not confined to a wheelchair. Her spirit that was trapped in a broken body is free. I envision her holding her head up high as she runs through the meadows filled with beautiful flowers and butterflies. She is free from the trials of this earth. My sweet little girl is free. How grateful I am that she has such a blessing!!! How grateful I am that I could remember these brief flashbacks of the reality of her life on this earth. Chris and I gave her the best life we could. She made us happy! There was no way NOT to be happy. Her spirit shown through so brightly that you could not deny that there was something extra special about her. She is beautiful and always will be. My sweet Karleigh taught me more in her short 2 1/2 years than I learned in my whole life. She taught me about what is really important. Now it is my job to remember it. I pray that I will do a better job at remembering.

My tears stayed away all day until now as I write this. I actually felt happy today. I felt peace today. Most importantly, I felt Karleigh today. I know that is why I felt peace and happiness today.

I wanted to do some things today to remember her. Chloe and I wore pink and yellow today. As you might remember, flowers and butterflies remind us of Karleigh - mainly pink and yellow. I have been missing planting flowers this year and making new flower beds. We are renting this house, so I can't just start digging in the dirt. So I decided to go get a couple new pots, dirt and flowers. Of course, I bought more flowers than I should have. I just can not ever decide, so I end up buying too much. They just all look so pretty. There wasn't as much selection as I was used to in Indiana. Maybe they just don't grow down here in Arizona. But Chloe, Parker and I found some pink and yellow flowers that will be just great. Here are a few pictures from our planting.
(Thanks again, AJ, for Chloe's gloves! They fit even better this year!)
(my handsome Zach being a good helper)(Pink and yellow!!)
Finished product! I had to get out the three smaller pots to hold the extra flowers. The big one will be for the front porch and the others will probably be on the back porch.

After getting the flowers done, we all wrote little notes to Karleigh and attached them to pink and yellow balloons. We then went out to an open area close to our house and let them fly up to heaven. The kids really liked being able to send Karleigh a note! I am grateful that today was different than the other years and that my many prayers were answered. I am grateful for my temple marriage that binds my family together FOREVER - into the eternities! What a blessing! I hope that I/we will always live worthy of that blessing! I am grateful that I had a couple wonderful years with my sweet and pure Karleigh. I pray that her life will always be remembered and honored and that we all remember the lessons she taught us. I pray that the peace that has come today will stay for a long time. She is missed more than words can express. She is loved even more than that. But she is free. Free from pain. Free to soar. That is what is most important.

Birthday Girl!!!

"I'm three!! Now I'm big enough to go to the temple!!!" This is what she told me this morning when we sang her Happy Birthday at the breakfast table. Such a doll!
Our cutest Chloe Hope turned 3 today!!! I still can't believe it!! Why do kids have to grow so fast! We just celebrated her birthday as a family this year. We had a fun time being together. She got some fun toys, a couple dresses and the best one of all - a swingset (to share with Zach and Parker). We decided it was high time to get the kids a playset. (It certainly isn't the most attractive thing, but it does the job well! The kids don't care anyway!) Notice the beautiful pink flowering bushes along the fence line (wall).

She picked out her birthday cake this year. All she wanted was sprinkles! Yum!

Happy Birthday, sweet girl! I am so glad you are a part of our family! You bring so much laughter and fun into our home! You are such a big helper and have such a pleasant personality! Your smiles are contagious! I love your hugs and kisses and when you snuggle with me. I feel so honored that I have been blessed to be your mother! Thank you for everything you teach me. I hope and pray that you will always know how much I love you! You are so special and have brought so much "Hope" back into my life. I love you, Chloe Hope!!

Parker's quilt

My wonderful mom lovingly made this quilt for Parker when he was born. I have been meaning to post pictures of it, but just keep forgetting. She is such a talented lady! Thanks so much, Mom!! I love you!!!!

5 1/2 weeks...

Thanks, Marci for letting Parker wear this adorable outfit! This was his first time to wear it, but I don't know if he will fit in it much longer! He is getting so big already! He spit up all over it right before I started taking pictures, but as you can tell, we still went ahead with the photo shoot.

At his 1 month check-up, he weighed 12.1 lbs and had grown 2 inches! He is in the 90%!!! He is still such a good baby! I am so lucky and am praying it stays this way. It looks as though he has dark blue eyes like Chloe. He has started smiling now, but usually is pretty stingy with them. He will give you one smile and then make you wait a while for another. I just love them though! He is starting to smile with his whole face, not just with the corners of his mouth.