On the road again...

Well...a get-away was calling my name!  Zach had a week off of school in February (Maine-ers ski break), and I needed a break from reality and life.  So I decided to be brave and drive by myself with my 3 kids to Raleigh to visit my parents and sister.  I seem to do these solo-with-children trips every year or so (remember last years trip all the way from Arizona to Raleigh!). 

(Playing at the park close to Mom and Dad's house)

The only thing this time - I wasn't driving across no-man's land.  I was driving through huge, major and sometimes scary cities!  First Boston, then Hartford, then NEW YORK CITY (yeah, through the Bronx! yikes!), Newark, Philly, D.C., Richmond and finally into Raleigh!  It wasn't a snoozy boring trip (like driving through Kansas or Wyoming), that's for sure! We took 2 days to make the drive, staying overnight in a hotel in New Jersey.  Traffic went really good, except our final big city of Richmond.  That burst my "I am invincible" bubble and we sat in traffic for hours!  Dumb.  But we made it to Raleigh only 2 hours after the planned arrival time!  

My kids have become well-seasoned awesome travelers.  Yes, they still fight and are punks sometimes, but overall, they do great and don't require super frequent stops.  Zach gets to earn money for helping "babysit" the kids - nicely and happily - although, some trips he earns more than others...  It may or may not be due to the "nicely" part of the agreement.    

(Is he not the cutest little boy in glasses you have ever seen!  I'm biased, but man, he really is adorable! And so sweet too!)

The weather was beautiful and spring-y while we were there and we went to the park twice.  The first time, Joy had a day off school and got to come with us.  The second time, my dad took the day off work to spend time with us and got to play with us at the park (forgot my camera that day).  Grandpa pushes the merry-go-round pretty fast!

Love this picture...

Since we wouldn't be home to celebrate Parker's 2nd birthday, we had a little celebration with Chris the night before we left.  It was nothing big, but exciting for this cute little dude that got to open a few presents.  I am amazed that this big ball of cuteness is already 2!!!  Where did my baby time go with this little dude!?!?

Joy then planned a little family bbq / birthday party for the day after we got to Raleigh.  Grandpa bbq'd chicken on his charcoal grill, and mom made lots of other yummy food. (while we were there, he finally bought himself a gas grill!!  Go, Dad!)

Parker being a monkey on the balcony rails

And enjoying lots of tickle time with Grandma...one of his favorite things to do while we are there!!

 

Joy was so kind to invite her boy (that's a friend...or so she says...) so that we could meet him!  Cooper turned out to be quite a nice fella and even put up with my kids mauling him all night - literally!  They thought he was pretty fun...oh, and Joy too!  The kids and Joy and Cooper had a great time playing hide-n-seek all over Grandpa and Grandma's house...while I sat lazily on the couch and snapped some pictures!

Zach found some old crutches in one hiding spot...

Parker has been SO excited to turn two!  He loves to tell people his birthday.  He then will list off every one's birthday in the family!  Smart little dude! 

Now for the rest of the present opening...

And then the birthday cake...More excitement for Parker!  He LOVED having everyone sing Happy Birthday to him!  He loves to sing it to other people, so he felt pretty special that everyone was finally singing to him!

Happy 2nd Birthday little man!!  I sure do love your darling self and am so thankful for all the happiness you bring me!

My mom and I also took the kids downtown Raleigh to a little children's museum (that's free!!).  It was good for the kids to get out for a bit and see some fun animals.

And last...it wouldn't quite be a "normal" trip to Raleigh if we didn't ride on the go-carts!  Grandpa and Zach drove their own cars and Joy was nice enough to take Chloe.  Although, that turned out to be the best choice for Joy because they ended up smokin' everyone!! 

Can you tell she's excited?!

And their off!!!

Zach usually always gets a pretty speedy car.  But not that day!  He had quite the slow car and every lap, you could see his happy, fun-filled face changing and getting grumpier and more frustrated!  They all ended up lapping him, which just made him even more upset.  Poor Zach!  Not what he had in mind that day!  Oh well - ya win some, ya loose some!!

Poor little Parker had to sit out with me and watch everyone.  He was SO sad that he couldn't go ride with everyone!  He tried really hard to be tough, but that bottom - quivering lip just couldn't hold it in and he sat in tears most of the race.  I felt so bad for him!  Not fun being a little guy sometimes! 

Since he was so sad, I told him on the way home that he and Chloe could go ride their bikes and race around the garage!  After a bit of hesitation, he agreed that that sounded fun.  But even to this day, he still likes to remind us, "Do you 'member I got sad at the go-carts!"  (his is a little Radio Flyer um...thingy that he calls his horse!  It is probably his favorite birthday present!  Either that or the cool monster truck Joy gave him!)

I am grateful to have such good kids and grateful that they put up with me trapping them in the car for days to drive some where.  I am grateful that I am able to go when "break-time" from life is calling my name!  Plus super grateful that I could have others around to entertain my little people.  Really, a trip it isn't that much of a break because I am still taking care of my kids...and solo too (meaning Chris is not around).  But it is a break from the sometimes monotonous routine of being a stay-at-home mom.  Monotonous - yep, sometimes.  But worth it none the less!  Thanks, Mom and Dad and Joy, oh, and Sadie-dog, for letting us crash your place for a week!  We miss you lots and wish we could live closer!

Proving my point...

...First a little Parker update...

He will be having surgery at the end of April on both eyes.  His glasses are full strength and still his eyes want to float inward, definitely not as bad as without the glasses though.  So they are only helping somewhat.  He has what the Dr. calls Partially Accomadative Esotropia.  So basically, his cross-eyed-ness only fixes part way with different types of therapy.  The rest has to be fixed with surgery.  While we are waiting for the surgery date, we are dilating the "good" eye to make it blurry.  This acts as a patch (since he won't leave a patch on) so that his "bad" eye can work harder and hopefully get a bit stronger on it's own.  His Dr. will cut the muscles a bit that are pulling his eyes inward and hopefully then with the help of his glasses (and possible patching), he will be able to see straight.

I have said it lots of times that my little Parker-pants is a busy, mischievous child!  I have also said lots of times how absolutely wonderful and fabulously sweet he is too.  He is super sensitive and loves to hug and snuggle.  He LOVES babies and thinks anyone smaller than him is a baby.  He is very gentle with babies and certain things, but then can get down and dirty with Zach and Chloe and be all boy - rowdy and destructive and full of energy!  He is just a mix of so many different things!  I have said many times that he can be a super naughty little guy too!  I don't let him leave my sight for less than a minute or so, because I will pay the price if I do (or I fear he will break his neck falling off of something!).  It will be interesting to see how this all plays out when I am busy with a newborn!  I'm a little scared, but I am hoping his love for babies will keep him in the same room! 

The thing is, when he is being naughty, he is absolutely as sweet as can be about it.  Whether it is splashing water or food all over, hitting his sister, turning the TV off while Zach watches, making a mess, climbing on counters and furniture...and everything!, dumping toys that were just cleaned 5 seconds before - No matter what it is, he does it with a happy little smiley face.  He is super sweet about it (usually) and it is hard to get after him...sometimes.  He often will even come tattle on himself and then quickly want to say sorry to make things better.  He really is just adorable, but some days...I am exhausted from chasing him around the house all day!  He is SO BUSY!!!

Here are some examples...

Zach had dish night and hadn't gotten the table cleared all the way.  I went to the basement for literally about 2 minutes (remember...1 minute too long!) to start some laundry and when I came up, I found this...

Happily feeding Baxter our dinner!! 

I wish I could get the video to work....I'll keep trying...

Next is a little story...

The other day, he had a bit of a runny nose.  Not horrible, but enough to require a kleenex every once in a while.  Well, he was in a very teasy mood that day and he decided that it would be really funny to wipe it on my sweatshirt multiple times.  He would laugh and I would tell him to quit!!  He would laugh as I pushed his nose away and then he would try to get my shirt even more.  (yes, I know, my laughing didn't help!  But he was just being so dang funny while doing it!)

As I was making dinner, he decided that Chloe would be his next target.  Now, let's remember that he totally knows how to push her buttons and she has not figured out how screaming actually makes him want to do it more!  Parker tried to wipe his nose on Chloe and she screamed and started running away.  So...what does he do, he chases her!!  All while saying he was going to wipe snot on her!  Around and around they went, Chloe screaming, Parker laughing...my two year old chasing my almost 5 year old!!  SO naughty, but oh so funny!!  He proudly told Chris when he got home, "I tried to wipe snot on Chloe's shirt!!"  (I really do try to teach my kids manners and to be loving to each other.  But sometimes it is funny to just sit back and watch the funny/naughty things they do!  So yes, go ahead and judge me that I am a crappy mom for letting him do that!  I'm fine if anyone wants to judge - it was hilarious!)

Next Parker naughty-pants story...This one I still am not actually laughing about.  I can see that it will be funny someday, but right now it is still frustrating! 

I was upstairs showering, so Chris was "in charge."  He was busy making a million spudnuts (donuts) for a ward activity and didn't realize that Parker had gone in the other room and was quietly having fun by himself.  When I came down shortly after, I found my little dude and he knew he was caught.  He had climbed this computer chair...

to where he could reach some craft paint I had just put out of his reach (or so I thought) just the day before.  He then proceeded to open it and paint our printer/scanner/fax machine!!  Really!?!?!

After scrubbing with paper towels and cue tips, most of it came off the surface.  But Chris is still going to have to disassemble it and see if he can clean each little button and other tiny surfaces and cracks where I couldn't get to.  The paint has dried and the buttons will not even push down!  Let's hope it is fixable!

In my astonishment and disbelief, I didn’t think to take a picture of the culprit, just of his handiwork. So….does anyone want to question the busy-ness of my child anymore?!!!!  Point proven!!

Regardless of the drama he creates and the messes he makes, I would take them any day just so I can be his mom and have him in our family!  He is so stinkin' cute and truly has brought much joy to us.  I love my Parker SO much!!!

Another Parker comment...

Wow, I'm just on a roll for posting lately, eh?  No, not really.  I have just been working on transfering this old blog into a book...which is taking me forever since I have years worth!  But it has reminded me to record the cute, fun stuff - even if they are dumb or insignificant to anyone that is not in our family.  It has been fun rereading some of the stuff I posted from when Chloe and Zach were a lot younger.  It has also been good to have memories and my missings of Karleigh recorded too. 

Anyway - so for today's Parker comment...background first...

About a month ago, all of the 5th graders at Zach's school had their D.A.R.E. graduation.  It was during school hours, so I took Parker and Chloe up to the gym with me to see Zach graduate.  It was a little ceremony where 6 kids read their reports of "I will be drug and alcohol free...until I am 21" or "I will drink alcohol responsibly...when I am 21" or "some alcohol is ok...when I am 21" and other interesting comments.  Obviously me, not being one to teach my kids that drinking alcohol is a good thing because of my beliefs, was a bit bugged with it.  But at least they are doing good in teaching the kids about the effects of drugs and alcohol.

So, we sat in the back of the gym and I tried to keep two kids entertained and quite while listening to what was being said.  It was time for Parker's nap, so he was running on fumes at that point.  As I was quietly playing with him on my lap and not thinking that he was paying much attention to what was going on, he all the sudden blurted out "ALCOHOL!"  So, I guess he was listening.  Out of everything that was being said, THAT was the word he picked out!  Really?!  We did end up having to leave early and this is why..."I NEED TO GO POOP!  TAKE PARKER TO THE POTTY!"  Just slightly embarrasing...especially since they were about the only other kids in the whole gym (aside from the 5th graders!)...AND he kept saying it when there was a lull in the talking!

Tonight, I sat on the side of the gym floor playing crash cars (with hot wheels) with Parker and Chloe to keep they occupied while Zach was at his first wrestling practice.  They were being really good and not too wild and for once, Parker stayed interested in what I was doing for more than a few minutes.  Out of the blue, he looked up at me and said with a smile on his face, "I WANT TO DRINK ALCOHOL!"  I tell ya, this child has such a good memory!  I just chuckled and told him that it was not good and then we went back to playing crash cars.  Totally random comment and totally cute coming from an almost 2 year old!  Love that kid!!!

Our Sunday Dinner Tradition...

CREPES!

Well...not every Sunday! 

And they just don't taste as good if they are on a different day of the week.

We like to fix them up so they are more like dessert than dinner!  Who says you can't have dessert for dinner?!?!  And I make the reciepe that is called "dessert crepes," not just regular crepes.  Things we like in and on our crepes...(no, not all at once...usually...)

Fruit: strawberries, bananas, nectarines, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, peaches

Other fillings: Nutella, peanut butter, pudding

Toppings: cool whip, chocolate syrup, caramel syrup, nuts, chocolate chips

So basically, it is a banana split - without the ice cream!  YUM!!  I have a lot of smiles when crepes are on the menu!  And Zach loves it because there is almost always leftovers that he can have for breakfast the following day! (I know, not the best thing to send my kid's belly full of to school)

Here's the receipe:

Crepes

From the Better Homes and Garden Cookbook

2 beaten eggs

1 1/2 cups milk

1 cup all-purpose flour

1 tablespoons cooking oil

2 tablespoons sugar

(for regular crepes, omit the sugar and add 1/4 teaspoon salt)

Mix together and then cook on a greased skillet.  I usually have 2 frying pans going at once.  I pour some batter in the pan and then pick the pan up to spread batter around the entire bottom - just a thin layer.  I also usually try to have my fillings chopped and waiting while I cook the crepes.  That way, they have time to thaw if I am using frozen fruit.  Enjoy your dessert dinner!!

Snow day...and decorating...

Yesterday, we got an additional foot of snow on top of the 4-5 inches we had the day before.  And that was in addition to the already 1 1/2 - 2 feet we already had laying on the ground!!  The snow seems to like to come down in the early morning hours, thus not giving the plow trucks time to clear the road for busses and cars.  Luckily, I checked the night before if they were going to close school and then everyone slept soundly in their bed until Parker awoke at his normal 7:00-ish.  It felt good to get a few extra minutes of sleep!

So...since the day before was "baking day" and I had had enough of that, I decided that a snow day would be a great day to have my kids help me make a couple Valentine decorations.  I have had these ideas swirling in my noggin all whilst cleaning and purging my house.  (which, I am happy to report is pretty much DONE!  oh if feels so fabulous to feel more organized and dejunked!  Goodwill got a nice big donation on Monday!) 

Anyway - I didn't even remember to take pictures while we were making them.  They seemed to take a lot longer to finish and kids were getting bored.  So, I had to keep redirecting and helping them have fun and try to keep them interested, all while Parker threw our paper pieces on the floor about 10 times for his own entertainment (and to make us laugh...teasing again!)  The kids are very proud of their hard work and so am I!  It was fun to have 3 little crafty helpers!!

These aren't the best pictures, but here is what we created... (these are the windows right by the kitchen table)  That big ole' heart took pretty much forever to finish!  Remember doing those tissue paper crafts in elementarty school?...

Can 1 year old's really lie?

Parker came into me the other day without his glasses on. 
I said, "Parker, where are your glasses?"
His response, "Chloe took them!"
I asked Chloe if she took his glasses and she said, "No, he just brought them over to me."
So I ask...do 1 year old's (soon to be 2) really lie?  If so, it is still pretty cute to me!

A couple days later, he again came over to me without his glasses on. I asked him again,
"Parker, where are your glasses?" (a phrase he has heard SO many times, but luckily isn't hearing it so much anymore.  Or shall I say...before his glasses broke this past weekend)
He said as he walked toward the pantry cupboard,
"In the snack bucket!"

Usually he can always tell me where his glasses are, as long as I ask him soon after I notice them being off.  He has started being a little bit more sneaky though and hiding them in places I wouldn't think to look - such as the bucket with a bunch of hot wheel cars or behind things.  Since he hasn't had his glasses since Saturday, he has asked me almost daily where they are.  I told him they were at the shop getting fixed and asked him if he wanted to wear them - to which he would reply yes.  So, hopefully, he is really noticing that they really are helping some and will want to wear them more often.

On a side note though...his glasses are only doing part of the job.  His eyes are not as bad, but still going somewhat cross-eyed.  So we have a couple more months to try to work with them some more and strengthen them.  If at the end of March that doesn't seem to be helping, his dr. has recommended him for surgery to fix the muscles that are pulling his eyes inward.  I am not sure what approach yet we want to take for him.  Surgery is a scary thing, but yet, if that is the thing that will help him - then we might have to do that.  I would love to NOT though if we could.  We shall see!

Be NICE!!

So, of course Chloe is sitting at the dinner table...alone.  This seems to be a daily occurance because the girl is usually talking SO much that everyone finishes before she does.  Everyone has been done for nearly 20 minutes and she is still there...eating....AND talking.  Sometimes I wonder where she got it from!  When we say, "Chloe, put a bite in," she usually pauses her sentence or song for a brief split-second and then starts in again like we never even said anything.  It is kind of like when she has something on her mind, everything else just sounds like "blah, blah, blah!" and she is still thinking about what she was talking or singing about.

Parker has decided to join her at the table.  He loves his "girlfriend" (one of my many nicknames for her that he has picked up on too) and so now she has someone to talk to instead of singing and talking to herself.  He was perched up on the chair next to her, banging something on the table.  It really annoyed her so she asked him to stop.  Since he knew that would bother her, and he loves to do that (yes, already at 2 years old, he knows how to get a rise out of his sister). 

So finally after asking him a bunch of times, she got right up in his face and said, "Parker!  The world is full of NICE people - so you need to be NICE!"  Parker's response...bang the table again!  hahahaha!  I love listening to them talk!  I just wish that more food was consumed while the talking and singing were happening! (Not at the same time, of course!)
______________________________________
One more cute comment from Chloe to Parker tonight...
"Parker, do you want to originate?  Do you know what originate means?  It means, Let's trade!"

Preserving memories...

Yes...even not so glamorous ones too!!  We all need to never forget the REAL Zach!

With hair spiked and dried after his shower...he decided to once again make us laugh....sort of.

Oh...to be 10 again!

We love our Zach...even if he is kind of nasty sometimes!

Two Little Boys...

Two little boys to dress the same.  Two little boys to play cars with.  Two little boys to watch play in the mud.  Two little boys to get into mischief.  Two little boys to share a room.  Two little boys that can be buddies.  Two little boys to love.  It is getting exciting to think about.

The reality of having two little boys running around our house has been quite the process in accepting and understanding.  I am actually still in the process of accepting and understanding it.  It takes time to fully understand God's plan for me, my life, and the lives of those in my family.  Sometimes, I wish I could just see the road map I am supposed to be on, as if that would make everything easier.  Really it won't because then where does my faith go? 

I probably did it to myself.  I was 99.9% sure we were having a girl this time around.  I have never been that adamant about "knowing" what I was having before!  I have never cared so much either.  Just in conversation I would refer to the baby as "her" or "she."  It just felt natural and it just felt right.  I remember saying to my mom before we found out the sex of this baby that "Watch, Heavenly Father is going to play a huge trick on me and send us a boy!"  But I dismissed that thought and went about my business, planning for a girl.  I haven't shared many of these feelings for fear of others thinking I am awful for feeling the way I do.  I would never in anyway want this new baby to ever feel that he was not wanted or that he is not welcome.  That is not the case at all.  I just had some personal experiences that really made me feel that we were having a girl.  So, once again, I have found that typing things out is an outlet for me - even if things end up jumbled.  I don't have anyone sitting in front of me telling me that my thoughts, opinions and feelings aren't right. 

This whole process of accepting that I am actually carrying a little boy inside of me is interesting.  There are so many variables for me in why I would want a girl.  One of the main reasons is another sister for Chloe.  I have 5 sisters.  I love my sisters so much and have appreciated so much having them in my life.  The thought of not having them around is SO foreign to me and for Chloe to grow up without a sister to hang out with has just been strange.  Yes, she has a sister - Karleigh.  But obviously, she is not here and Chloe will not be growing up with her sister here by her side.  This is a huge reason for me feeling the way I have about not having a girl.  I miss my daughter.  I miss everything about her.  And NEVER have I thought that another girl would replace Karleigh.  No one ever could!  Chloe has never replaced her.  She has just filled the void and brought a different batch of joy to my life.  But on a very small scale, the dreams that I dreamt at the beginning of this pregnancy of my Chloe girl growing up with a sister and then the reality of her not, is on a small scale, just like another loss.  It is a loss of the "dream" that we all have as parents.  The dream to see our children grow up and get married and have children, etc.  I already lost that dream with one child.  I can not raise her right now. 

But obviously, the plan and dream that I have for my life has rarely ever been what my Heavenly Father has in mind.  Never in my childhood dreams would I have ever asked to have a child with disabilities or then to be taken so abruptly and so soon from my arms.  Never would I have asked to go through some of the trials that I have.  But, am I a better person for it?  Yes, most definitely.  Has my life been awful because of a different reality that I was handed?  Quite the contrary.  Having a daughter that was born with physical disabilities was not on my "list" I made when I was younger of what my ideal family would be like.  But oh, what a wonderful blessing it was in my life.  To know and love and care for one of the most valiant, beautiful, sweet and special children ever to grace this earth is a dream come true....I just didn't know it when I was making my "list" when I was younger.  I can not fully 100% say that having her out of my arms is something I am thankful for.  I can be grateful that she doesn't have to go through the hurt and struggle that her little body brought with it.  I can be grateful that I had her for the time I was allotted, instead of it being way less.  But, I am also her mom and miss her, so I don't know if I will ever fully be grateful that I do not have her here.  Make sense? 

So, the plan that we would have another little girl running around in pink clothes is obviously not in Heavenly Father's plan.  I have been being humbled these last couple months in understanding that even though His plan was not My plan - it is still a good plan.  Having another boy was not something I ever gave much thought to until the ultrasound (and I made them check and re-check in 3 different ultrasounds just to make sure).  But having another boy will be good.  I focused so much on trying to fill the void of "sister" for Chloe, that I didn't really think about how it will totally be fun for another little Zach/Parker to be running around.  I didn't give much thought to the fact that having a child back to back in the same sex might be really great!  I have thought many times that maybe this is why Chloe was blessed with a feisty attitude...so she can hold her own against 3 brothers!!  I am still pretty worried about how my Parker-pants will teach this new little boy all his tricks on being mischievous and naughty!  I think I will have my work cut out for me!  But, I am also excited to see how Parker's huggy, lovable, sensitive side will affect this new little guy. 

The shock of having a boy is gone, and the reality is still settling in.  This new little fella will be loved just as much as all the other kids and will be a blessing to our family.  He will bring more lessons and more humbling to his mom and dad.  So, although I feel like I very much struggle to figure out the male species...I am getting more and more excited everyday at the fun this new little person will bring to our family! 



Attitude...

ATTITUDE

By: Charles Swindoll

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.  Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.  It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do.  It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.  It will make or break a company...a church...a home.  The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.  We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.  We cannot change the inevitable.  The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude...I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.  And so it is with you...we are in charge of our Attitudes."

Snowy days...

I am beginning to understand why when a "Maine-er" told me once the snow comes - it usually stays - really did know what they are talking about!  Snow to us is really no big shocker.  Afterall, we have lived in Idaho, Utah, Colorado, Indiana, a bit in California, and even Missouri (me).  So basically, everywhere we have lived has had snow in the winter...with the exception of our two winters in Arizona.  While in Arizona, we drove the about 3-4 hours to the mountains by Flagstaff just to go sledding and let the kids play for a while.  That was last year (2010) on New Year's Day.  The kids are enjoying having LOTS of snow to play in this year - all in our own yard!  I am liking that we have a little hill in the front yard that they can sled on so I don't have to actually take them somewhere else to sled and can sit inside and watch them have fun.  I know - lazy me!  So far, so good though!

Chloe and Parker excitedly watching the first snow flurries of the winter season back in November.  Chloe is on the phone with Grandma Clay telling her all about it!  They were bummed when it stopped snowing shortly after it started!

 I love how Mr. Parker adores his big sis!

The first real snowfall back in December before Christmas.  They were SO excited to go shovel on the back porch!

Off we went to the backyard for more digging and even swinging!  Who says swingsets are only for the summer-time!  Parker's little sideways smile makes me smile!

Little puppy dog eyes! 

Beautiful girl!

Parker laid down and said, "The snow is comfortable!"

The after-Christmas blizzard - on December 27th.  Chris worked for a few months to rebuild an old snow blower he bought from some guy.  After the first swatch down the driveway, the blower decided to blow up!  Literally!  The engine blew up inside itself!

Poor Chris!  All his hard work!  Needless to say, he was not very happy!  (and was quite cold too!)

Zach, with a little bit of Chloe's help, made 2 snowcaves / forts after that big post-Christmas blizzard.  We got about a foot of snow from that storm and the kids were in heaven!

Zach is such a good big brother!  Chloe and Parker LOVE to play with him and he takes such good care of him.  I love that I can (sometimes) just send the little kids out in the yard with Zach and know that he will be responsible enough to help them out and play with them.  It is amazing to me how being outdoors can tame so many sibling fights!  They love it and feel so cool being able to be outside with their awesome Zach!!

Going down our frontyard hill!

Zach has taught Chloe how to do it all by herself now and she has gotten pretty fearless with it.  She loves to be big like Zach and zoom fast down the hill.  It keeps getting higher and higher with every new snowfall! 

About 7 neighborhood boys came over to play after Zach got his snowcaves / forts built.  They sled down the hill for a while and then separated into teams and had a snowball fight. 

Chloe was the youngest one out there and was the only girl.  At first I was a little worried for my little girl out there with a bunch of boys chucking snow back and forth.  I called her over to the front door and asked her if she wanted to come in while they played.  She wouldn't hear of it and went right back out to join in the fight!  I guess she is learning how life will be having 3 brothers to deal with!  I really think that is a big reason why she has such a fiesty attitude - to hold her own against all these boys in our house!!!

After hours of playing in the snow, they LOVE to come in and have a nice warm cup of hot chocolate!  YUM!



Purging, decluttering and cleaning

I am sitting here tonight, ready to type, but unsure exactly how and what I am going to say.  I have been wanting to write down thoughts and feelings that I have had  for a while, but never quite seem to get around to it.  Sometimes I often feel like my personal life and my own personal dramas are just that - personal.  So, I often do not share.  But this week has been a difficult one and my thoughts need a place to go.  It may or may not end up being long...so beware.

I have been working on purging, decluttering and cleaning every single room in my house the last 2 weeks.  Some say I am nesting, I say I am finally getting to all the stuff that should have been done when I unpacked.  I remember clearly one beautiful, sunny day after we moved in and I was downstairs in the basement - trying to organize and go through boxes.  Many of the boxes Chris needed to go through, so I was getting frustrated and annoyed.  But, Chris didn't have time to go through them.  I was sick of unpacking and just wanted to have the summer to teach my kids, play with them outside and let them have fun.  I knew it would help them adjust better to the move and feel more settled. 

So on that sunny day, I told myself to just put it on the shelves and in the closets in a semi-organized, livable fashion and do it during the winter when I am trapped inside from cold temps.  So, that is what I did.  I tried to get it off my mind (because it really bugs me!) and remind myself of what was important to me for the summer - spending time with my kids and helping them. 

Well, those cold winter months have arrived and I am now in full swing of decluttering, organizing and getting rid of unwanted/unneeded items.  We have been living in mess for 2 weeks now since it usually gets worse before it gets better - at least when I do it.  Parker was very sick last week, so that pretty much shot half a week or more of work.  But I am slowly seeing progress.  Chris has gone through most all of his boxes and that is a HUGE, LOVELY burden off my shoulders!  I won't even tell you how long some of that stuff has been boxed!  So, hopefully this week, I will be able to put the house back together and get things spring cleaned, even though it isn't spring, so I can feel OK sitting on the couch and letting out a big...."aahhhhhh!!"...knowing I just accomplished something worthwhile and important. 

Why do I sit here and ramble on and on about my cleaning?  Well, I'm not quite sure.  Like I mentioned before, this week has been a rough one and while I have worked and done things around my house, I have had time to think, ponder, cry, meditate, listen to music - all this when the kids will let me or when at least Parker is down for a nap.  (that is really the main reason why this decluttering process takes to long....kids!  Gotta still be a mom too!)

I have thought a lot about how I am grateful for all the many material things we have that bless my family's life.  Sometimes, I feel we have been blessed too much.  Other times, I am human and I want for more.  But more often than not, I do not want for more (with the occasionally furniture wish list that will probably never go away!).  I am content where I am and with what I have.  But as I have been working, I have thought lots about being content with what I have.  There is a time and place for everything.  I will eventually get that bedroom set that I want or that new couch for the family room.  But right now, I can be grateful that I have a bed to sleep on and a couch to sit on.  They get the job done even though they might not be the greatest.  There is so much more to be concerned with than if I have my house totally furnished and the way my day-dreams envision it.

All week, as I have pondered different situations in my life, my thought have felt jumbled and my emotions raw at times.  It wasn't until today during our ward conference that I felt like all of those jumbled thoughts, feelings and impressions came together to help me know just what my Heavenly Father has been trying to tell me this week.  Sometimes I feel bad that Heavenly Father has to go through so much work to just get a simple (or non-simple) point across to me, but yet, that is often how I learn best - little bits at a time with time to ponder in between.  Then I tie it all together.  But maybe that is how it is with many others too. 

Our Bishop and Stake President talked about decluttering our lives and consciously trying SO much harder to live more like Jesus Christ.  The church has been simplifying and doing away with different activities and things so that the focus can be more on our family.  Why?  Because the family is the most important unit in society.  It is where the learning and teaching must happen first.  It is where children gain a strong foundation to be strong individuals and good, honorable people.  BUT, this effort to eliminate different things will only help if parents then take an extremely active role in making more family togetherness time - time where gospel learning and loving relationships are fostered. 

The stake president emphasized that it takes courage - lots of it.  Courage you say?  Yes, courage.  Courage to turn off the TV, turn off the computer, always make a point to sit down together for meal time, courage to not be the popular parent that has you or your children involved in everything - therefore taking away family time, and many more examples.  Courage to live within your means and teach your children how to do so too.  It takes diligence and sacrifice to sit down every single day with our family to read our scriptures and say family prayer.  But how important they are and small (and large) blessings come daily as we do.

When the Bishop said we need to declutter our lives and make room for what is most important, I at first thought, "well, I am in the process of decluttering my house so that I can feel like I have more time to devote to my kids and husband."  But then the next thought is where everything tied together, "while you are in the process of decluttering and changing the physical material things around you, start decluttering and doing away with all the personal challenges you have."

I guess why all these things hit harder today is because I have been feeling much of that over the last while.  Lately, I often feel like all I do is yell or get upset with my kids - mainly my oldest.  Parenting is hard work and it often wears me down to almost nothing.  Then when other crisis' hit, I am usually toast and loose it pretty bad or feel like I am going to.  I know, if I were to really stop and think about every conversation and interaction I had with my children every day, that I do not yell and get upset all day, everyday.  But, obviously it has been enough in the last little while that I am noticing it a TON and I know change needs to happen.  And why can't it start with me?  I am the adult.  I am a role model for my kids.  Do I want them feeling like I feel at the end of the day - tired and worn out from fighting?  No.  I don't.  They deserve better.

A few days ago, I started working extra diligently on not raising my voice and consciously working on praise and kindness.  I asked all my kids to do the same.  And you know what - those days, while they weren't free from disobedient or fighting children, seemed to be different.  When I said my prayers and told Heavenly Father about my day, I could feel proud that I know I actively tried to do better and that I would continue to try tomorrow.  I knew He knew that I was trying and that I will still mess up plenty - because I am human and I make LOTS of mistakes - just ask my family.  But it made me feel good that even though some things were still rough, I could at least go to bed knowing that I did my part to improve my family...even just a little.  I have a long way to go before I get to where I need to be and should be!!  One day at a time is what I tell myself. 

The Sunday school teacher today made another point that hit home with me today.  She said something along the lines of, "Aren't we all here to fulfill a specific purpose?  That is our job to figure out what it is that the Lord would have us do while we are here on this earth.  And when we have children come into our home and our care, it is our job to help lead them and teach them so that they can fulfill their divine mission on this earth." 

Being a mother is one of the most rewarding experiences I have ever had.  It is often one of the most tiring and thankless jobs too.  But I am often amazed as I look at my children and think of the huge task I have ahead of me to rear them in righteousness, that my Heavenly Father thought that much of me that he would give me these children.  Because I am their mother and I have full biased on them - they truly are some of the most amazing people I have ever met.  Each of them has come into our family with their own personality, their own strengths and their own weaknesses.  Each of them has blessed our family greatly by the things they do and the person they are.  I am amazed often that little old me was entrusted with such wonderful little people.  And that is partly why I have been taking such a hard look at myself - because I know they deserve to have the best roll model and example they can have. 

I want them to grow up never questioning the love their mother has for them.  I want them to always know that I love them despite the wrong choices they make.  I want them to know of my immense love for their father.  I want them to know that I took the time to care for myself  and nourish myself (spiritually as well as physically) so that I can better take care of them.  I want them to grow up and never wonder what their mother believes in - even if that makes me "not cool".  I want them to know of my testimony and love for my Savior.  I want them to grow up knowing that they can trust in the things that I say and do (privately and publicly) and that I am actively striving to become more like Christ.  So that is why I ask myself - are you?  Are you doing all you can?  If not, now is the time to start, Tracy.  If not, tomorrow is a new day and you have a wonderful opportunity to make it all it can be.  Even if that is just doing laundry, picking up toys and making meals for your family!  You are showing them love and that is what matters. 

I have much work to do to improve myself and hopefully in turn, improve my family.  There is always room for improvement in every family and in every person.  I hope that I can get my house put back together this week so that I can more fully and completely focus on all the ways and things I need to do to declutter my life and hopefully my family's life.  My family is my happiness.  I love each of them more than I can ever express in words.  I am grateful I get to call them mine!